Monday, June 24, 2002

From: Meg Thomsen meginchina@yahoo.com
Subject: Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Hello Friends and Family,

One year ago today, I walked into the San Francisco airport with a bunch of strangers. My backpack was clean; my hair was cut; my clothes were new. I got a handful of quarters and made last-minute desperate phone calls. I looked into my quaking hand at the one-way ticket for Beijing. I bought a falafel at the airport, filled up my Nalgene bottles with clean water, took a last look at America, and stepped on the plane.

On the plane, I looked at the others and wondered if I would make friends with the strangers all around me. I watched them thumb-wrestle and laugh. I thought that maybe I would sleep, or maybe I would talk to them. I ended up doing neither. I wrote in my journal while holding back tears. I looked out the windows and saw the fields of Japan as we lowered into Tokyo to change planes. I had visions in my head of having fifty new friends when I got off the plane; of skipping down the Great Wall with our backpacks. Instead, I came to China alone.

On that day, I couldn't have known how important all of those strangers would become to me. I couldn't have known that six would leave Peace Corps, that one would get engaged, that some would fade into their own worlds and that some would become my best friends.

I said goodbye to some good friends this week. The previous group of volunteers just finished Peace Corps this week, and a new group will come in soon. Lee, Erin, Andy. Alex, Ramy, James...I've had the privilege to know some wonderful people this year.

The first week I was here, I was miserable and homesick. I barely talked to anyone except for my host family. During that week, Lee came to Deyang to deliver an EE training. Afterwards, we all went down to the noodle joint for fried peanuts and beer. Lee had been here for a year and seemed so self-assured, yelling at taxi drivers in Chinese, practicing gong fu outside. He sat next to me, and he said something wise. He said, "You know, there's a difference between us and other folks. It's not the fact that we're in the Peace Corps. It's the fact that we dared to follow a dream here. It's the fact that we got on that plane, and no matter what happens, you know that you dared to try." Suddenly, I remembered what I was doing, and why I was doing it. And thus my road in China was set forth.

Life in China is not always easy. Being stared at constantly, feeling seven feet tall, battling with the Chinese language, having people ask why you're a cultural imperialist, having your phone tapped and your packages opened- there are days when I question my sanity in coming here. Fortunately, those days are few. For every action that makes me want to get out of here and back to America where life's a lot easier, there are so many that make me want to stay. So many people that nurture and help me. So many people that are patient with my bad Chinese and cultural misunderstandings.

Using the I Ching, Andy read my fortune, I received "kou", the character for mouth. It means "nourish yourself, feed yourself." I do, I do. Times get hard here but there's so much beauty if one opens ones' eyes.

Last night, I got on the late train to Zigong after saying goodbye to so many friends. Laying down on the hard benches, I watched hours of darkened rice fields rush by and thought abut how many goodbyes I've had to say in the last year. I thought about the evening, about taking a last walk down Dead Duck Alley with Andy in a search for Muslim noodles. I thought about giving so many hugs good-bye, and I feel into a fitful sleep. I woke up to a policeman shaking my shoulder- "Wake up! Wake up, waiguo pengyou (foreign friend). You must come with me!" Huh? I dragged my feet down the long train wondering if I was going to get my bags searched or if I'd missed my stop. He led me to a train car with soft seats covered in velvet where all of the train conductors sat playing cards and drinking beer. "Sleep here, you'll be more comfortable."

Nourishment. It exists in the most unlikely of places, and all that one must do is to look for it. And I fell soundly asleep as the train rolled on to Zigong.

I hope that all of you are well. I'm halfway done with this! See you next summer.

Love, Meg